Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Tested positive for lyme disease

When taking the prescribed medication, must try to protect skin from sun. 
Lacking sunhat, used hair. 

Then had lunch with dad. 
We were photo-dueling. 

Monday, October 26, 2015

Perhaps this is true, not sure

I think kids are people and like people prefer ALL KINDS OF STORIES but as someone who writes primarily everyday stories, I just need to post this so I can go back to it when I need to.

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

For mom's bday, wore mom's old coat

I love this coat so much.

Brought my book to the Cloisters too

My parents are here for mom's 70th

So great having them here, have missed them so much. 
We went to the Cloisters, sat in the sun, laughed and talk and walking back through Fort Tryon Park we saw a fat and content groundhog lulling about = a perfect day.

Mom got a Bulow Hube ring she's been dreaming about for over 10 years. 
My friend Viktoria and her mother miraculously helped us found one for this important birthday.

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

time passing

the years go the way of those first teeth


Remember when Niki was this small? My whole body is aching to hold her again at that age.

Friday, October 2, 2015


I want to go skiing in Sweden and looked up some hotels. 

I want to go to there. 

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Reading Sally Mann's Hold Still

Reading Sally Mann's Hold Still, I keep thinking 
about my own kids in pictures and where my own boundaries lie. 

I do ask my kids for permission for every pic I post of them but then again, 
perhaps they will regret it? Or perhaps they won't. Are they old enough to know? Are my pics of them overstepping the boundaries?

Looking at Sally's (family) pics and reading her book, it seems as many of the portraits of her kids are self portraits by proxy, a time delayed fiction of her own personality as a child and in childhood. 

this pic here is niki right before going to bed at my parent's summer house. 
I slept right there in that bed as a kid, wearing that exact nightgown. And I do feel like this is not just a pic of Niki, it's just as much a self portrait of me at 7. 

I only need to look at it to remember the lightly damp and cold sheets at a house with no real heating, the smells of 100+ years of wallpaper and old paint, the sounds of ants in the walls and the wind rustling the leaves of the oak right outside, the weirdly bright Nordic summer night light in the Stockholm archipelago, the faint scent of flowers and grass drifting through the window left just a little open. The sound of waves hitting the shores beneath. 

I've been back every year as an adult, but I remember it clearly at 7. I remember having a body that size. the line between myself and my child becomes blurred but only to me. to others it's niki I'm sure. Except to, perhaps, my parents and others who saw me there, at that age.

So disappointed in pope.

I know it's naive but I thought this pope was even more different than he is.
I thought he'd be progressive also when it came to same sex marriage and planned parenthood.

But no.

Prioritizing meeting up with Kim Davis?

And supporting nuns fighting contraceptives?

My book went to Sweden's book fair

Wish I could have been there too with it!