Thursday, August 28, 2008

Dear music lover

Who buys such a stereo? 335 000 SEK.
I know who. Someone who will use it to play Pink Floyd.
Is the human ear really able to pick up the difference in audio quality between this and your average cd-player?

-the stingy/discerning end consumer

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Dear English speaking people

Dear English speaking people, or rather non-Swedish people, I pity you, for you will never understand the genius offerings by VSSSIG, Vi som slänger skräp i Gröndal.

Ni andra har många skratt framför er.

Dear third drawer down

Dear third drawer down, I love your pillow case All you need in life by Lilli Hartmann.

It's like you say in your description:

All you need in life

a roof over your head

an apple tree in each direction of the sky

a sheep to keep you warm

a chicken for the eggs, obviously

a monkey to make you laugh

a ghost to make you cry

and finally

two horny bears


I'd might just add chocolate, wine, friends, family and a lover.

Dear Moxie

I love this t-shirt.

-the end consumer

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Dear tea lover

Dear tea lover, perhaps you're like me. Perhaps you're dreaming of that perfect cup, poured from the kind of design classic pictured above. Well, wake up and smell the coffee! Or rather, wake up and smell the wet wool lining. It looks great, but if you truly love tea, you're better off with a regular pot and cosy. -the end consumer

Monday, August 25, 2008

Dear Gröna Lund

Dear Gröna Lund, thanks for providing me with fantastic entertainment last Friday. Too bad my kid thought it a waste of tickets to let me go on too many rides. She'd rather go by herself and save up on tix.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Dear ThatsNutz

Dear ThatsNutz,
How many turd cups did you have in stock to begin with?

I can't tell you how charmed I am by your writing:

Brighten someone's Day! Says "MAY YOUR CUP ALWAYS BE 2 TURDS FULL"

(2 little turds sit in the bottom of the cup)

Warning: Not to be used for consumption of liquids.

Naturally they're sold out.
You give bad taste a face. And a phone number that's really easy to remember.
1 877 NUT DUDE.
I'm not even going to get started on the truck nuts. But I know the world loves them!

Thank you!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Dear Coca Cola Zero

Dear Coca Cola, regarding your ridiculous "life as it should be" campaign, you know the one about how real men like tigers, motorcycles, women on all fours and beverages with artificial sweeteners?

I added a woman on two legs with a stroller and public transportation.
Life as it should be.
You're welcome.


Dear ICA Söderköping

Dear ICA Söderköping, who's your target group?

Dear ICA


Dear grocery store ICA Söderköping, the fact that you have a "candy free check-out lane" is wonderful and oppressive at the same time. Much like my parenting style!

Are you my soul mate?
-the end consumer

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Dear Apple

Dear Apple, I love how your Photo Booth application is so easy a baby could use it. Actually, babies do use it. Proof above.

-the end consumer

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Dear German tourists

Dear German tourists, I love how you love Sweden. And I love how you embrace the concept of the allemansrätt. I just don't love how you look at us inhabitants like exotic species. Like ferrets, lemmings or moose. Peculiar, but kind of cute. In a natural kind of way.

Yes, we are weird because we insist on swimming naked during the summer. But you are weirder for not respecting the privacy that naked swimming demands. You fishing right next to our pier is uncalled for. Fish a little further away.

Yesterday, my brother couldn't take it anymore. He heard himself scream, from where he was in the water, in English: "you're fishing too close to our naked swimming point".

You obliged and moved a little bit away from the naked swimming point, but did not apologize.
We're still upset.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Dear Obama

Even Swedish babies like Mimi are pro-you.
That's Lotta by the way. She's cooking me dinner tomorrow, can't wait.

Dear prime suspect

Dear prime suspect, I love how you responded to the accusation that your fingers matched the holes in this cake:

"But it looked so darn yummy!"

When I told Anders about this, he asked who the prime suspect was. My mom (60+) or Joel (3)?
And suddenly we had 2 prime suspects.

Dear dentist

This is the feeling I'd like to have when I think about going to see you. Can you arrange that? So warm and cuddly.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Dear wearer of shoes

Warning for mixed up shoes! Warning for missing shoes!
I love this notice. And also wonder why this concept is so complicated to the German mind that it takes twice as many words to describe it.

Dear unfit people of the world

Come run with me! It's fun. I'm starting another challenge now.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Dear cat owners

Dear cat owners, how about taking an actual mug shot of your cat. To have just in case. You know, so that when it runs away, you don't have to draw a pic that will doubtfully help anyone in identifying your beast.

Examples from our local Åland grocery store. artist unknown. One of the cats is described as being "social, cuddly and extremely lonely". How touching.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Dear Riddarbageriet

Dear Riddarbageriet, it must be nice to be you.
As I'm sitting here, I just heard a customer tell your cashier:

"Ah, thank God you're open for business again! Once one has tasted your bread, it's impossible to eat anything else!"

Dear parents

Dear parents, if your child is bald like mine, see how easy it is to look into a hairy future with the help of banana dreads.

-the end consumer

ps. When people say their kids are a source of joy, I think they're referring to activities such as these.

Dear Åland

Dear Åland,
you are the end of the world.
To my surprise, I find myself falling in love with you a little bit.

-the end consumer